An Italian Tale

 

Seth and Martha sat contentedly knocking back their large G.& T's and admiring their new, ultra trendy swimming pool. They had, just six months ago, downsized from a large house in Romford with an imposing white porticoed entrance and half a dozen reproduction Georgian wrought iron welcome lights on the driveway. Now, with the swimming pool taking up much of the garden on their new patch in Leigh-on-Sea, they sat with their backs to the recently completed conservatory with underfloor heating, and relaxed on the terrace of slate grey Indian stone.

"Well Sef, I shall get off of me bottom and get into me cossie. I've got to get fit and lose some weight before we go away. I'm not getting on that plane wivout dropping at least a stone, I tell you. I mean it Sef, I really do."

"Well, good on you girl. Go for it. I'm right be'ind you there, Marfa. I might join you for a dip in a bit", as he helped himself to another large G&T from the poolside fridge.

Martha emerged from the house in her new, structured pink and black swimming costume. Plunging into the pool, she proceeded to splash noisily and energetically, if a little clumsily, up and down the pool.

"Oh, Sef," she spluttered hoisting herself up onto the deck and grabbing a large pink and turquoise towel, 'I'm ever so unfit. I shall 'ave to do this ever such a lot if I'm ever going to get to Venice an' into me new clothes. I could do wiv a bit of help."

"Well, I dunno, Marfa. P'raps you could ask that young chap down the road. You know, whatsisname, Arfur innit? That one that works in the gym?"

"Well, I s'ppose I could, Sef. Could you arks 'im for me?"

So it was that, with the help of young Arthur, Martha swam at least twice daily, even when the weather was inclined to be inclement. After about ten days, Seth began to notice a change in her. Oh yes, she was beginning to shed a few pounds and it showed in all the right places. There was something else, though. He noticed that he was having to repeat a lot of his words to her. 'Sorry, what did you say Sef?' became a sort of mantra and he was beginning to get a little concerned.

"Marfa, are you sure you're not overdoing it a bit? You're not as young as you was, you know."

"Oh, Sef, I'll be alright. I feel a lot better wiv all this swimming. And look," as she twirled around to show off her burgeoning curves, "Can't you just see me in me new Versace in Venice?"

" Yeah, all right love. Just take it a bit easy though, alright?"

So she persevered, with young Arthur there to keep her to the straight and narrow. Every day, morning, noon and night, she splashed her way up and down that pool. But Seth became more and more concerned.

"Marfa, sweetie, 'ave you noticed anyfink different about yourself since you started all this swimming caper?"

"What did you say darlin?" ....."Oh, well, I'm getting finner, aren't I Sef?"

"Well, ye-es, you are darlin. But 'ave you noticed that I keep on 'avin to repeat everyfink to you all the time?" - "I said 'REPEAT EVERYFINK!"

Martha looked crestfallen. "I'm only 'avin a go Sef. I just want ter look nice when we get to Venice. It is our silver weddin' anniversary, after all."

"I fink it's all this swimmin', that's what it is. The water's gettin' in your 'ead, that's what. It's affectin' your 'earin', so it is."

"Oh Sef! It's alright really. I'll be O.K. when we get there. I will really."

Seth sighed. "But Marfa, you don't really want to be do you?"